i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
