I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
