the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
