I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
