I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
