I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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