I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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