Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can you bring me the toilet please
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
