I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
