And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
