im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
