I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
