dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
