the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
