I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
