We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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