i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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