omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
