He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When are your genitals available?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
