I just made out with a guy for $7.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
