i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
