you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
