you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
