have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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