i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
3pm strippers are depressing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
