Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
