we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
