Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
