Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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