You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
