her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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