No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
