I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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