If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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