I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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