just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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