i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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