As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
