I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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