Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
