Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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