I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
