I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
