I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Who died my cat blue again?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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