Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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