Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
