sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
