she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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