but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
