Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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