I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
