one might say we're banned from that church
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
