The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
